Why LOVE?

While conducting my research, I discovered that the effects of insufficient self-love on sexual coercion and violence in romantic relationships is an area that has not been thoroughly examined and deserves more attention.

My study situates that our misunderstanding related to the concept of love and its derivates contributes to the perpetuation of harmful behaviors, such as the perception of emasculation triggered by stressor factors like those experienced during the global epidemic, where changes in social responsibilities, financial strain and lack of social support fueled the increase of domestic violence cases (Adams & Williams, 2011; Henschke & Sedlmeier, 2023; Lira et al., 1999; Sharma & Borah, 2020).

Research

Aggressive behaviors in adulthood have been linked to experiences in hostile environments during childhood (Wetzel & Robins, 2016). The capacity to build stable romantic relationships begins in childhood (Jamison & Lo, 2020). Parental role modeling is clearly related to the “intergenerational transmission” of relationship skills (Jamison & Lo, 2020, para. 4). When a person deals with low self-esteem and self-acceptance, they learn to follow a “pervasive pattern of grandiosity,” a feature in a narcissistic personality, tending to exploit others (Henschke & Sedlmeier, 2023, p. 282).

These narcissistic traits are then understood as a lack of self-love, and the reaction to this inadequacy is usually destructive behavior (Henschke & Sedlmeier, 2023, p. 282).

The influence of cultural toxicity on parenthood can be profound and lasting. As a Mexican born and raised, I often see how cultural toxicity in my gender role transferred into my parenthood methods and romantic relationships. I unknowingly have passed down harmful patterns and behaviors to my children, perpetuating a cycle of unhealthy behaviors. To attain personal healthy well-being, I had to unveil common patterns of abuse in familial relationships that I projected onto my romantic relationships. The disconnection of self-love from love is continually propagated by toxic cultural and societal traits. This study finds that there are two basic root causes that propagate a disconnection of self-love in our everyday lives: systemic implementation of narcissism by removing self-love from family and dogma and the transmission of toxic parental traits. In academia, for many years, self-love has been considered an aspect of narcissism (Henschke & Sedlmeier, 2023; Rosenthal & Hooley, 2010). In fact, the current medical tests for narcissistic disorder still have self-love measurements as part of the narcissistic disorder diagnosis (Rosenthal & Hooley, 2010). Our society uses a systemic implementation of self-love as a narcissistic trait, prompting self-love to be removed from the familial nucleus as an objective to have or be learned, fueling the propagation of negative traits in romantic relationships. Furthermore, the relationship between parents and children profoundly impacts the children's future romantic outcomes (Jamison & Lo, 2021). The problem-solving process, connection, and trust in romantic partnerships are directly linked to childhood experiences: the household environment and parental behaviors toward the children and each other (Jamison & Lo, 2021; Wetzel & Robins, 2017). Parents follow cultural traditions and systems that carry a disconnect between self-love and love. These systems, religious dogma, and academia reinforce the family's toxic traits and create destructive emotional ripple effects in their children's relationships throughout their lives (Henschke & Sedlmeier, 2023; Jamison & Lo, 2021; Rosenthal & Hooley, 2010).

Methodology

Narrative inquiry created a supportive space for participants to share their stories about self-love and their relationships with parents. As seen in studies like Jamison et al. (2021) and Lira et al. (1991), this approach allowed me to explore deeply into how participants see and interpret love; both self-love and romantic love, as well as how these perceptions have influenced their experiences. In this study, narrative inquiry was employed to empower

participants by assigning them the role of storyteller. This process prompted them to reflect on their personal definitions of love, romantic love, self-love, and self-care, frequently leading to an increased interest in further exploring self-love through academic courses or workshops.

I approached this work through a feminist lens, to uncover how the current systems may foster relationship violence and mental health challenges, often by equating self-love with narcissism. As Arinder (2020) explains, “the purpose of using a feminist lens is to enable the discovery of how people interact within systems and possibly offer solutions to confront and eradicate oppressive structures.” This perspective helped me see how relational struggles are connected to larger societal issues.

I found that using a qualitative, open-ended approach really helped build genuine connections. By providing a safe, non-judgmental environment, my interviewees felt at ease and were eager to share their life stories. Hearing their experiences was not only significant for their personal growth and healing, but also deeply meaningful for me.